Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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