So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
