Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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