his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My ass is underappreciated
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
