I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
