There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
