My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
