it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
