chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize