She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
