I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
third nipple confirmed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
