508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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