I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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