so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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