those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
