billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
