This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
