you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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