Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
