I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
