remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
