No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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