I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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