My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
