why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
