so explain again why im purple
no
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
