I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Come on in and take your pants off
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