why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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