Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
