if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
