Too much gin, very little bucket
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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