Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
