You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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