I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
