Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
