discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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