I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
