I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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