He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
