Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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