I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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