My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
