i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
