It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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