i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
