Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
