They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
