well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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