Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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