And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
