I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
