This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
