The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
