Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
