i permit you to call me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
