I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
