found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
