Don't you send me to vm
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
