someone get that fucking seahorse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I FOUND THE LEGS
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