I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize