ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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