The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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