My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
