Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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