When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
