when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
