Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
