I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
