Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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